–on ground!

October 25, 2009 at 4:14 am · Filed under friends and family, school and homework

comment replies:
emily: how were your exams? good? i’ll explain next time! my camp will only be after exam (three weeks from now). where will you be going for camp?

yijin: wow, graduation ceremony! it sounds so official. i suppose you’d be both sad and happy (: thank you! all the best for O levels too! looking forward to your email (: enjoy yourself after the exams are over!

hui min: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! back. haha how have you been? (: thank you! all the best for O levels!

howtopressaword: hello! what happened to your blogspot blog? life’s good, what about yours? all the best for O levels!

zhihao: wait for the end of the year! last day. 104%? was it a typo?

curiousmith: haha i don’t get the miss joke but it’s amusing trying to work out what you mean! congratulations (: work hard okay! anyway, is curiousmith your new blog? i’m guessing here! thank you! lots of love!

yespianoexamisoverhooray! heehee.
it was okay. i’m going to start grade 8 next week. so crazy.
the examiner was quite nice. i was crapping so much for aural. i think he’s going to write down ‘test A: incorrect. test B: incorrect.’ anyway, i’m glad it’s over.

my dad David Gan-ed my sister and me. so now i got quite short hair and she has shorter hair but it is still thick. my ponytail is ’so small and cute’, says sister.

O levels are coming? i don’t know what to say anymore. i mean, it is a big step, right? but it’s one that will bring you to the next level. whatever you do, whatever you get, just know that it will be your effort, as well as of those who have helped you along the way. it will be the effort that you have put in for so long, especially for this whole long year. while you have had to give up a lot more things, you know that you can get them back once the exams are over. so make your effort worthwhile, do your best and don’t give up things for nothing. the results will be the best if you put your absolute best in it. have confidence to do the best you can. even if things don’t go the way you planned them, you know that you have alternatives. don’t give up half the way! you can do it! i know at times, you feel that it’s useless trying to study even more, trying to compete with so many other sec 4s in Singapore, but every little bit that you do will count in the end. i know sometimes you feel like crap and you lose your motivation, but this is the last step. so take this last step will your best effort! have faith.

okay i think i have rambled enough.

oh right. exams are 2 weeks from now, camp is 3 weeks from now. i have 7 more weeks of school to go.
next year, i’ll be taking IB: english, math higher level, chinese, history, chemistry and music. geography would have been ideal but it clashed with one class of chemistry and the second class of chemistry clashed with music so i had to give up one of them and pick up either biology, history or economics. but i’m self-studying biology and economics…NO WAY. i’m so anti-finance. haha. yeah, so i picked history.

we will be moving house (have i said this?) on november 21. it will be a house–on ground! no more lifts. (: pretty excited.

i’m excited over so many things (like the new house and going back at the end of the year) but school is not very exciting. and we (the group of friends) might go busking during Christmas? not confirmed yet, but i’m excited.

by the way, we’re doing forensics in the med elective now. it’s quite cool. we were looking at animal and human hairs and synthetic and natural cloth fibres last week. human hairs look quite scaly.

that’s all for now. until then, lots of love!

Comments (4)

waves madly,

October 19, 2009 at 9:23 am · Filed under frantic & crazy

i promise i shall answer EVERYTHING after piano exam okay! I PROMISE. okay. i’m so frantic nowadays but i WILL reply to everything (emails and comments)! sorry if you have kept waiting and i never replied /: i hope everything’s fine on your side (: okay i got to run now because i have a math test tomorrow and i will be so irritated if i can’t revise everything and i got a piano exam on wednesday so i hope it goes okay and i don’t screw up lower-part singing ahhhhhhh.

okay see you soon! *waves madly, dashes off.

Comments (3)

tops 14

October 5, 2009 at 6:08 am · Filed under friends and family, school and homework

to:
emily: i don’t understand what you’re saying. of course it’s bad to be antisocial but sometimes people can’t help it (:

first top fan: i’m sure people know who you are!

zhihao: what on earth? booeyz?

xueling: sorry, i’ll try not to ramble next time (: you’ll be fine, don’t worry! anyway it is only prelims right? and prelims are usually more difficult than the actual O levels.

yijin: don’t worry! at least it is not the actual O levels. (: i think you will find O levels easy if you find the prelims okay!

school reopens tomorrow. i don’t want to go to school! ):

PLEASE READ THIS: daylight saving has started, so the time difference now is 3 hours. keep that in mind. thank you! (:

it’s still pretty cold even though it’s spring. tomorrow tops 14 ONLY! and the whole week will be cloudy and/or rainy. still, Melbourne needs the rain. the dams are currently only a third full. and who knows if anymore rain will come during the summer months?

i dread term 4. because: 1/ piano exam 2/ year 10 exams 3/ camp (not that i don’t like camp but the whole trouble of packing things -.-)

but good news. once term 4 is over, holidays will come. which means i will see you all soon! (jumping in my mind!) can’t wait to see the small little island again. haha.

we will also be moving house. my parents got a house during an auction. when we move in, i’ll take pictures so you all can see how it looks like (or ask my dad for pictures because i think he’ll take them and maybe put them on Facebook). the apartment we’re currently living in will be rented to other people. so all’s good apart from the whole packing up and moving.

that’s all for now…and i think you all probably know who first top fan is (:

Comments (7)

a lot clearer

September 21, 2009 at 8:16 am · Filed under school and homework, thinking

it has been almost a month!
replies:
emily: haha okay. scores are quite easy to read (i think). why do you think you don’t deserve thanks? i’m going to have exams in november!

first top fan: i ate the grape in the end. you know where i am anyway!

zhihao: it’s okay, i’m glad i have your birthday message all the same. (: i hope you had a good time in Europe!

xueling: what other name would you use? auntie lee? (: haha hope you’re well!

joy: but you’re never emo! how could it have been an emo post? you still sounded reasonably upbeat. i think it had seeds. i ate the grape anyway. haha. don’t worry, i will never waste food. it’s silly. seedless grapes are GM!

pork: ahhh pork why didn’t you comment at the latest post? haha, anyway, nice to hear from you! haha, yeah, lots of halvies. yes…it does seem unreal. (: what would happen if you went overseas to study? haha. it wouldn’t be unreal to you anymore. technically i’ll be back before next year haha. how does he know i’ve put on weight? psychic! bye for now (:

holidays. second week.

while i enjoy the idea of lazy days, just sitting around eating and reading (and sleeping), it’s too relaxed to let me fully relax. as in, i would just stop taking note of time and dates. (i get absolutely annoyed when that happens) this holiday have been just about the best one i can remember–i know that statement sounds funny. you may think, what about primary school holidays? but i admit, all my primary school memories are gone now.

i don’t remember anything about primary school but the teachers–some of them. the Indian teacher in primary 1, the very nice teacher in primary 2, the old teacher who fainted in class (primary 3), the teacher whom many people disliked (primary 4), the math teacher in primary 5 who taught us a greeting that we sang in her class, the chinese teacher in primary 5 and 6 who was absolutely inspirational and gave us lots of work regardless of the weather (hot, stiffling, crazy, humid).

i remember not liking primary school, not because of the chinese that i could not cope with or because of unreasonable teachers but the classmates. i never understood why i could never fit in with them. i stuck with a few friends, but lost touch with them after primary school was over. i never knew what to say to people or how to play with them. my classmates enjoyed playing cards. but i never knew any card games (until this year) and could never play with them. i was unpopular. still am, but that doesn’t matter. i remember being desperate about getting good results. i might have been exceptionally desperate, but the memories have faded away and the more i try to think about it the more i find that i can’t remember what the feelings were then.

i was the kind of person who never got good-enough results even though i studied so much. that much i remember. i think this problem wasn’t so severe when i got to secondary school. thinking back now, i think i might have been confused about who i was. and then frustrated because i couldn’t find out what i was meant to do. i didn’t understand half the things in my life, about my parents attending more to my younger brother. but i get it now. and it’s good that things are a lot clearer now.

maybe i began remembering FULLY sometime last year. or it might have been i disliked the years so much that i just erased the memories and can’t remember anything now. i don’t know. what do you think? have you ever felt like that? have you felt the need to understand why things are the way they are and why sometimes no matter what you do you will never be able to change them? now that things are a lot clearer, i find that you only start understanding when you are more mature. (does not mean that i’m mature enough) but i’m glad that i’m at this level. i’m glad that i began thinking too much (and sometimes driving myself a little crazy) just so i could understand more. is this a bit like being enlightened? i wonder.

i hope i can get out of school soon, because i really don’t like timetables. while i like some structure in my life, i don’t want it to be governed by a timetable created by someone else.

sometimes i wonder if working hard is enough. if you work hard enough, shouldn’t you get a rest? i think my mum works too hard, especially since she got the regional job in her company. sometimes she works until it’s 9 (she has conference calls with about 8 countries in the Asia-Pacific region and the time is all different). recently she worked until it was 10 at night. too much! but how much can i say right? if she’s not having calls, she has to answer emails. she seems to be doing the job of 3 people. and when my sis and i told her not to work already cos she had a long working day, she told us to shut up. i don’t know if she was kidding about that or not.

i hope prelims and exams are going well, for sec 1s (although i don’t know who they are) to 4s and for JCers and Polyers (do they have exams?). and to anyone else i know who has exams. oh, that reminds me. i’m going for ABRSM grade 7 piano exam on 21 October. i’m going to have it in the orchestra room in the school’s music school. it will be at 4.12 pm. i wonder why all these exams have such funny times.

oh yes. i went for 2 scholarships (one was an Old Collegians’ one and the other was a music one). i got neither. at least i have the one that pays 40% of my school fees.

sometimes i really wish i didn’t have to compete. sometimes people get so clever that they stop being nice-enough altogether. i’d rather be nice and stupid.

some people are very confusing. sometimes they smile at you, other times they ignore you. sometimes they seem quite nice, other times they are just not nice. sometimes they talk to you, other times they just refuse to make eye contact. isn’t it better sometimes to just be antisocial?

anyway, to everyone who wished me happy birthday, thank you (: thank you also if you read all the way here.

Comments (5)

absolutely mad.

August 23, 2009 at 11:41 am · Filed under friends and family, school and homework

replying:
emily: haha, but you don’t play the piano. haha, yeah. thank you! *hugs and kisses back*

first top fan: haha thanks!

xueling: hello. thank you! yeah i saw your email. (:

zhihao: don’t be insulting. that’s not fair. i’m going to stretch my fingers and make them longer. then you should sponsor me!

thank you for the cards and the present. especially to emily! she deserves double the thanks that everyone gets. also to selene, xueling, candy and moyra. lots of love!

it is only about 3 more weeks of school. i hope i can pull through! i’m going absolutely mad.

we have to choose our next year subjects soon cos we have to hand in the forms on friday. daddy is pushing us to study science, particularly medicine. of course we’re going for sciency careers. i’m going to study biology on my own because he wants me to do music in school.

(i have trouble hearing the lower part in a melody OH DEAR)

i threw a grape at my brother cos i got agitated with him. don’t try it.

awesome news: we’re coming back soon. do not ask more, will tell you by mass email okay?

Comments (6)

for some reason

August 12, 2009 at 9:35 am · Filed under bad feelings, friends and family, school and homework

emily: i think of a lot of things…but yes i think of you.

zhihao: that’s good. can’t say much about anything…it’s normal i suppose. what year is your friend in? i might come back during january because then it would be the summer holidays. and no you didn’t but i know now. congrats!

forget the last post. it was only me being crappy and unreasonable and hurling insults at everything that stood in my way.

well, things haven’t been so nice. i feel sad that i’ll probably not be playing Ravel for exam anymore ): I LIKE RAVEL. why are my fingers so short. and my hands so small. now i have to play Bartok because it’s the easiest. it’s not that i don’t like Bartok. ): i thought i was going to cry in the music room. thankfully i didn’t. or it would have been very embarrassing. well, i suppose it IS a lot easier. cos it’s full of patterns and repetition and no ‘musical letters’ of Hadyn’s name or strange chords that don’t seem to make any sense to immature me.

)))))))):

sorry.

year 10 had PIP (Participation In Politics) yesterday and today. pretty fun. we got divided into different parties (some were in media–to write articles and act as paparazzi–and pollster–to conduct surveys and predict the winner) and we got to create a campaign and make policies on how to solve problems like street crime and vote and all. i was in the ALP (Australian Labor Party). the others were Liberation Party (Lib/ Nat), Rainbow Coalition and the Greens (as you can guess, environmental issues. however they were going around scattering random bits of green paper with a leaf drawn on each to promote their party which made people wonder if they were really trying to help the environment). anyway, the Liberation Party won. congrats!

i don’t understand why i can’t Bluetooth pictures to the computer. WHY! i need to finish my report. *&^%$# what on earth. in case you’re wondering, it’s a science report on a decomposition experiment we did last week/ last last week. i did mine on apples. you’re not going to want to eat apples for a long time unless you don’t mind seeing gross stuff (like me). the mould is furry. pretty cool.

i think there’s something wrong with my computer. -.-

this year, the birthday celebration will be split in half. this friday, we’ll bring our friends over directly after school for dinner. then on saturday evening it will be the other people that we’ve known since we came here. we could have used the Uropa function room but my dad said he wouldn’t be able to keep the food warm. initially he wanted to go over to our school on friday and then we can celebrate in school but there was no suitable place to celebrate so we thought we should just bring our friends back home. i’ll try to take pictures with them so you can put a face to the names i mentioned before.

yay my mummy’s going to help me with the Bluetooth thing. haha i can Bluetooth the pictures to her computer later. my mummy is always so nice.

sorry that was really random.

i’m bored because the report is all i have to do but i can’t do anything because i’ve typed up almost everything and i need the stupid pictures! ahhhhhh.

i woke about 6 today. my sister had to go for camp and she had to be in school by 7 because they were going to the 12 Apostles and so my dad said he would drive her and told me i would be going to school the same time and i went ‘what? i’m not taking the tram?’ and he said ‘don’t be so ridiculous!’ so i reached school at 7 and sat there outside the classrooms leaning against the lockers eating bread and reading after that.

my laptop battery stands at 43%. it was almost full just now! see how much i have wasted only because i can’t Bluetooth the pictures. -.-

it is currently 5.33 pm at your side. for some reason i’m thinking of band practice.

40%.

i should stop crapping before you fall asleep. i’ll blog more interesting stuff another time.

Comments (5)

think of the fireworks.

August 10, 2009 at 7:48 am · Filed under bad feelings, school and homework

here’s to…

yijin: thank you! yes definitely. no one will ever be able to answer it. /: i don’t like doing past test papers…how was the mock exam? was it hard? oh dear! i hope you’ll do well for prelims! =)

emily: i’m not smart-smart, but that doesn’t mean you’re not smart. maroon is dark red, so yeah, i think it counts! i’ll always be busy. if i have nothing to do i make myself busy. maybe, i suppose.

first top fan: you’re so random…!

hilary: that’s good. if not you’ll be working your butt off like jermain! maybe, in january. but i’m not confirmed yet.

huimin: mr njoo is very sick right? got meiosis and mitosis right? and chromosomes. yes, genes are cool!

candy: so random! it was just a thought.

it’s been 2 weeks.

soil and water is more important than goods or money. why study economics? why not geography? soil and water is more solid than money. they remain. money doesn’t. money can’t buy irreplaceable things. nature gets eroded and wiped away by stupid money. is money a nice sight? i’d rather be sitting on rocks and looking down at the world. not on piles of paper that could become worthless anytime. nature was what was here way before anything. way before money or goods.

the word ‘economics’ doesn’t even sound interesting enough.

i feel like i was at this point before, where the path forks. that was in sec 2. choosing between history and geography. i was doing so badly for SBQs and SEQs that anyone would have fainted at my marks. so naturally i wanted to do geography (no matter how much i detest human geography). but everyone was all, ‘do history!’ the 3 older people in my family: parents and sister. it was like being in the middle of two conflicting worlds. around me i had classmates planning to study geography, but everyone in my family (that included cousins and all) had studied or were studying history. eventually i called my closest cousin and she said i should do what i want to do. so i did geography.

i am in the same dilemma again. i don’t understand why i can’t do geography! i don’t care about consumer behaviour. i’m not so interested in people. honestly. it’s so ironic that i’m thinking of studying psychology.

why must i be angry over you? you tore my file. no, i’m not angry because of that. you’re just so insensitive. why apologise 5 times when you’re going to do the same thing again? i told you i didn’t want an apology. you’re just plain annoying. you correct every little thing i do from what i say to how much margarine i take to spread my bread. what is wrong with you? stop telling me what to do. you’re bloody unreasonable and i’m not talking to you. half the time you think i’m deaf. and you enjoy speaking in annoyed tones and then claiming you’re not annoyed. what is that?

no one has to shout to be heard. but obviously the world doesn’t have ears these days. it needs bloody megaphones. it needs a slap. WAKE UP!

i could break a wall but i know i’ll break the bones in my hands before a wall falls.

why promises? it’s all empty words on a script that everyone has rehearsed for 6000 times.

i’m sorry for the angry post. don’t say anything. because really, i wasn’t angry until the above mentioned came along.

hope you all had a nice national day and a good holiday. think of the fireworks.

Comments (2)

10.43

July 27, 2009 at 12:44 pm · Filed under books, music and lyrics, school and homework, thinking

replying…
candy: it’s okay, i’m pretty sure the person’s not coming back to read more of my blog cos he doesn’t like what i write. i might come back during december/ january, although not confirmed. haha, that’s not bio lesson, that’s work experience. i’ll tell you more about it!

emily: but you’re smart. what makes you think you’re stupid? you’re so random! emily colours don’t consist of red! actually maybe maroon is in a way. haha.

yijin: thanks yijin (: i’m over it now…i’m going to work hard on piano! you take care too, don’t fall sick! prelims are coming soon right?

huimin: i am, most of the time! what topic was it? oh, is it mr njoo teaching you all now or still mr mukmien? someone told me but i forgot!

first top fan: it’s okay, i won’t tell anyone. anyway, i suppose they know who you are!

hilary: hello! i’m good, how are you? is school stressful? (:

zhihao: thanks for the hyper caps message. what kind of music stuff? well all the best for the Netherlands contest! you’ll be fine. (: i’ll come back maybe december/ january. not confirmed!

i’m sorry that i haven’t updated for almost a month. gah, lousy apology. last week i had to finish a geography essay, a science experiment plan, a med. project, english powerpoint (have to hand in tomorrow)…and the list goes on. still.

if you are still wondering, holiday is over. today marked the third week of school. this term we’ll have 9 weeks and hooray 3 weeks of holiday. aren’t i getting lazy? (:

registered for exam last week. have to perform in class for term performance. and then mrs ellis wants me to play for a piano recital thing. *screams.

subject choice information evening will be on soon. teachers will talk to us about the subjects and all that. about VCE and IB.

i finished reading The Bridges of Madison County today. sounds familiar? i really can’t make up my mind if it’s real or not. because at the front of the book where they put the copyright notice and the date the book was published there was that line: ‘this book is entirely a work of fiction.’ but the author wrote at the front that michael and carolyn johnson told him the story. hmmm. but either way it’s nice. and very sad. i know i’m always using those two words, sorry. but it’s one of those kind of books that you would gladly read over and over again because it’s not something that you would come across every day.

here’s a question to think about: we’re here on earth for a reason, aren’t we? if not, what’s the use of having a life?

it’s 10.43. good night.

Comments (6)

being watched.

July 3, 2009 at 12:46 pm · Filed under bad feelings, thinking

replying:
HUIMIN–thanks dear mummy! how have you been by the way? yeah, it’s like SPA, but a lot more fun! (:

EMILY–i agree, but then people look at you with that weird look on their faces. maybe. i won’t care about that person anymore.

work experience was just about the most enriching week i’ve ever had. we learned a lot of new stuff that people in our year level wouldn’t learn about. we learned about how copper helps in our development (hair, skin and other parts), the Menkes disease, Wilsons disease, micro litres, plasmid in the bacteria, the confocal microscope, the powerful owl, seeing cells in different stages of mitosis, gram stain, electrophoresis, allergies like pollen and latex and peanuts…and what’s more, we got paid for learning all these. (: don’t you agree it’s good?

we had a 2-hour practical everyday. at times i found it hard, but that was the point of having this work experience at Deakin. they kept saying it would be challenging. and it was at some stages. but it was really fun, that we see stuff that we wouldn’t see in school. it was good.

i’m glad i got into the extension programme in school, otherwise i wouldn’t have the chance to get into this.

figured out that i might be allergic to latex. or the powder in the latex gloves. but thankfully the swelling has gone down, so it’s good.

the semester report was mailed home. i wish i didn’t open it.

actually, it was okay. but i wish that i had enough confidence to perform in front of a group of people. this is what the teacher wrote: ‘Her class performances have sounded under-prepared and in need of practice.’

my mum knew what was bugging me and she said that if i really didn’t want to take music for IB next year i didn’t have to.

but the thing is, i got to take lessons in school earlier than others because my music elective teacher told the music secretary that i would be taking IB music next year. not taking it next year would be showing that i’m ungrateful and stupid. and mrs ellis is nice. i feel that she has helped me a lot. once she even talked about grade 8 and diploma. high hopes or not? i think i could do it, just not in front of a group of people. i shake and my face goes red and my fingers are not used to the piano and then my dynamics just disappear and i sound flat and just plain bad. i make stupid mistakes that i never make when practising and i feel awkward and clumsy and all wrong.

honestly, i will never be a solo performer.

): i agree that my class performances have sounded bad because the pieces i played were last minute stuff–i’d never learned them before. but i hope that for the term 3 performance when i play Faure’s Andante Moderato i won’t sound so stupid. i guess another reason why i find it so hard to perform well in front of a group is because i find them intimidating. most of them perform better and are more musically inclined than me and they have performed in front of people before. and some of them are kind of unfriendly. it scares me when people are unfriendly. it repels me.

but like my sister said, it’s only 2 more performances.
for a moment i wish i hadn’t picked this elective. i could have done better in something else like art. because i don’t have to draw in front of people.

perhaps i just don’t like being watched.

i’m obviously quiet.
‘…a quiet student…’
‘…I would like her to contribute answers and ideas more often.’
‘Stacey often needs to be prompted to contribute to discussion during Health classes,’
‘In class I would welcome more discussion from her.’
‘…an introverted performer…’

sometimes i shut up at the wrong times. but i prefer listening–don’t really see the need to open my mouth much, though i know i should. the teachers would bash me if i told them that.

some interesting stuff on TV today. there’s a 16-year-old girl who’s physically an infant. it’s a bit hard to believe. and then there’s jason zamprogno, or jason jackson, the michael jackson worshipper. we saw him dancing–just like michael jackson. and the voice and build is almost identical. it’s a bit strange.

term 2 went down quite badly. i feel quite bitter towards some people now, especially the things they said. i know i shouldn’t be petty. but i don’t know how to stop feeling angry towards them.

that’s the worst thing about starting to know someone. you find that they’re not as nice as you thought they were. that’s the worst feeling you can ever get about someone. the feeling that you were wrong all the while.

Comments (6)

and functioning

June 24, 2009 at 11:56 am · Filed under bad feelings, thinking

emily: why would you want to be a cute and crazy old woman? isn’t it nicer to be a nice sane little girl? haha thanks, but you’re not stupid!

xueling: everyone never does their homework during the holidays. yup, i’ll tell you.

huimin: HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLO back! oh no you haven’t finished your homework too? oh well. depends. sometimes i have quite a lot, sometimes pretty little. (: i miss you very much too! we need to catch up. haven’t talked to you for 1000 years.

got a comment from an unknown person and now i am feeling really worried, not because i don’t know him. i just feel puzzled and confused over what he wrote and i read the post where he commented but i don’t know what he doesn’t like that i wrote. i’m leaving the pending comment for now and i’ll probably get back to it some other time–not that i’m reluctant to approve it but that i don’t understand what’s going on. that post was a year ago! maybe i am overreacting, but…

i know comments from unknown people do not always have to be positive and cheerful and saying that i have a nice blog and all that. but this is really bewildering.

should stop frowning before head starts aching.

it’s work experience week. been pretty fun and very interesting to learn about biology. like how people need copper for development and functioning and that cancer cells are like embryonic cells when they break away and move to other parts of the body.

i will tell you more soon.

my third and fourth fingers on my right hand are slightly swollen. could it be the chemicals we’ve been using? but no one else seems to be having this. maybe it’s just some random reaction.
*

*

*
i am very, very, very puzzled.

Comments (3)

Older Posts »