hey.
i’m sorry for not going to the library with you to study today.
it’s not that i didn’t want to.
my dad was not feeling well and he got an MC so he came to pick me up, but i forgot to switch on my phone.
i know that, recently, you’re going through a very bad time.
even though you don’t say it, i feel it.
girl, what has happened to you? what happened to the crazy riceball/ momonashi/ frog princess/ pork chop we always knew? is she gone? are you–the moody girl who just mopes around and wants to cry–going to replace her forever?
emo-ing is not going to help you!
your recent posts have been really down and depressing, until that post about us going to the library popped up. and it really made me happy that you were happy. at least then, with your laughter and craziness and also that doughnut.
please don’t be emo again.
i’m sorry for not helping you for the music test,
sorry for not talking to you for so long.
but i promise i’ll make it up all to you.
please don’t be sad anymore.
Archive for September, 2007
girl,
funny!
“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn’t. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.”
-Horace Walpole
funny friday!
(which was rather stupid too)
1/ english exam. Q3: discuss the advantages and disadvantages of watching television. i did Q3, but i put Q4 as the question number! ahhhh. and zhao lao shi said i cannot correct the question number anymore because i already passed up my paper ):
2/ i didn’t understand what the summary question was trying to say! it was, ‘describe how the modernisation has changed Shanghai.’ i was thinking, what? then in the end just wrote everything which i thought was relevant down. i hope i don’t fail my summary. sheesh, i’m becoming stupid. my brain is not functioning well!
haha met jermain and qiyun in school!
3/ went to white sands with shiming. we went all the way to Kopitiam and realised it was very crowded so we didn’t want to eat there and went down to B1 where we spent most of our time gazing at the bread at Four Leaves before buying a chiffon cupcake (shiming), a curry chicken pie (also shiming) and a ham and cheese bread (me). then we went to Jollibean and each got a cup of soya milk.
4/ we took the escalators up to Popular, but there were no seats, only left those next to the 3 2E6 boys, wei yan, yu cheng and wen hao. so we just sat there and pretended not to notice them hahaha. after we finished our lunch we went off to the library. saw yunyee, jehan and jehan’s junior (if i’m not wrong) when going down the 5th floor escalator.
5/ we found this book on Italian recipes and stood there flipping through it. then we decided to go sit down because the book was heavy and we were getting tired. we picked a spot just beside the CD shelf and sat there. after some time shiming decided to start trying to pronounce the Italian words. so funny! we ended up laughing like mad in the library. anyway after that i took out my MP3 while doing Math and let shiming listen. she was trying to sing Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On (the Titanic song) when she moved her head and hit the pillar. haha!
6/ by the time we finished slacking/ laughing/ going mad, it was 5.20. we took the lift to the first floor and shiming bought a peanut almond doughnut. so we were standing in the middle of nowhere (near the open space that is before the entrance to white sands) in front of the MRT station listening to Rachael Yamagata’s Be Be Your Love on the MP3 with shiming immensely enjoying her doughnut.
7/ then she finished and we went home. and so that ends my day. hmm. i feel really tired. later i’m gonna have dinner with my grandma. haha. she’s so funny!
right now, i’m talking to shiming through email. partly because i keep getting disconnected (i don’t know what happened to the internet connection) and because talking through email is fun.
EVERYONE, STUDY HARD FOR EXAMS! YOU CAN DO IT!
we do not blame you
it’s not that you don’t deserve friends.
you need friends.
everyone deserves friends, whether they’re good or bad.
we do not blame you for what you’ve done.
we’re not angry.
we’re not upset.
we understand your reasons.
we’re wondering what will happen to you.
we’re afraid of the influence you’ll get.
just study hard.
and i hope we can settle this soon.
new group
Auf Wiedersehen.
Arrivederci.
Au revoir.
Goodbye.
Hope you’ll be happy with your new group of friends.
There’s a hole in my soul,
You can see it in my face,
It’s a real big place.
as long as i go on trying
i need freedom.
want to run away from here.
i’m trying to ignore the fact that some people just treat me like i’m invisible.
it’s okay.
i’m just telling myself, i’m okay as long as i go on trying to have a smile on my face.
i won’t let them get to me.
i won’t let people hurt me.
i won’t be hurt when i tell someone not to make so much noise and that person just says ’shut up’ to my face.
i won’t be hurt when someone just says i complain too much and she hates people who complain, even if she’s the one who complains a lot (but hasn’t noticed at all).
i’m going to stop trying to ask people for comments because they just can’t be bothered.
i can’t be bothered either.
i want wings,
to fly away.
but i can’t catch them
all of a sudden
my stomach plunges
leaving me vacant and scared
how long have i been detached
from the world?
my brain’s not functioning
things just don’t seem to connect
everything seems to blur and dissolve
right before my eyes
i don’t know
what’s wrong with me
what’s happening with everyone
why are they sad,
abandoned,
left behind?
i know nothing of them
and i don’t seem to care
am i being selfish?
or too tired?
either way
i want to care again
i’m just scared
that people will swat me away
and leave me standing there
like a fool
who didn’t care in the first place
about them
but what’s going to happen?
i can’t take risks anymore
not when the world’s dangerous enough
i’m scared to venture out
afraid of rejection
afraid of what people will think of me
afraid that i’ll be left to crumple there
like a pathetic heap
why am i being so weak?
i have to be strong
to care about everyone around me
but for once it won’t work
anymore
i want to try again
but i need courage
i feel like someone little
standing there
on a great expanse of ground,
looking at everyone
from afar
and i feel myself turning
and walking away
even though
my mind is yelling at me
to turn around and face them
what am i avoiding?
what am i scared about?
i don’t want to look into anyone’s eyes
i don’t want to uncover my emotions
they give me away
and betray everyone
i want courage
i want it
to stand up again
and say ‘i’m going to make it.’
i’m going to face reality
going to face pain
no matter how cruel it is
i’ll take it
because i don’t want
to see myself being weak
i don’t want people
to see me being weak
and as i look at everyone’s eyes
i wonder what they’re thinking of me
am i stupid?
cowardy?
where do all the angels go
when you need some companion?
and even though i feel love
i can’t help
but feel alone
i want to help
but i don’t know how to
i want to have emotions again
but i can’t catch them
i feel fake
giving people a smile that’s empty and meaningless
trying hard to be so happy
but failing miserably
and i want to cry
until i can just die
i’m tired
but i want to go on
without any fear
i want bravery
i need bravery
if i had one wish
i’d say i want to make everyone happy
but life never works that way
and hardly anything goes right
i want to tell people, ‘you’re fine.
‘you can go on.
‘you won’t ever be lonely.’
but it’ll all seem wrong
nearing 5
“Humour is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.”
-Irvin S. Cobb
yeah, i had lots of humour today.
was playing Titanic on the piano in the hall when zhao lao shi came and stood behind. sheesh. then he was like, ‘once more…’ after that i forgot the accompaniment i was supposed to play because he sang quite funnily.
then ate lunch and went to white sands with shiming. when we were about to turn into white sands we saw olivia standing near Cottage Pies. she hung out with us for the rest of the afternoon.
got up to 5th floor and sat down on the seats outside Popular. shiming practised the song that her group was doing for the music performance, Way Back into Love. i sang the girl’s and guy’s parts (Hugh Grant). but it was a bit hard because my voice is not so low.
then we went to library and i remembered what happened the other day when shiming laughed so hard until she fell from the chair. went around the library looking for a seat and eventually settled near the children’s section behind the computers. olivia was hungry because she hadn’t had her lunch and she wanted shiming to accompany her to Cafe Galilee to eat. then at first both of them wanted to buy, then shiming didn’t want because shs didn’t want to get fat. after that we dragged her down to B1. toured Four Leaves looking for bread. then didn’t want anything. shiming went to Water Rise, olivia and i bought some Peel Fresh drink from NTUC. then up to Cottage Pies where olivia got an Oreo cheesecake. i bought green apple ice blended.
then anyway, up to the seats outside Popular again. shiming had gotten some vanilla milkshake and chicken pieces (which i didn’t want to eat because i could see the salt on them and ran away or yelled like crazy when olivia or shiming wanted to give me a piece). after that we went to take neoprints. and we spent almost an hour decorating the pictures because there was no time limit.
then it was nearing 5 so shiming went to take our bags. olivia was dividing the neoprints. i went to the library to see if shiming could manage and immediately started laughing when i saw her because she looked very amusing with all the bags and books. so i took my stuff and all the books that we’d carried in our hands. after that we went home.
and so that ends my totally stupid but funny Friday.
Eternity -Robbie Williams
Close your eyes so you don’t feel them,
They don’t need to see you cry
I can’t promise I will heal you,
But if you want to I will try.
I sing the summer serenade
The past is done, we’ve been betrayed, it’s true.
Someone said the truth will out
I believe without a doubt, in you
You were there for summer dreamin’,
And you gave me what I need.
And I hope you’ll find your freedom,
For eternity, for eternity.
Yesterday when you were walking,
You talked about your Mom and Dad.
What they did had made you happy,
What they didn’t made you sad.
We sat and watched the sun go down,
Picked a star before we lost the moon.
Youth is wasted on the young,
Before you know its come and gone too soon.
You were there for summer dreaming,
And you gave me what I need.
And I hope you’ll find your freedom,
For eternity, for eternity.
I sing the summer serenade,
The past is done, we’ve been betrayed, it’s true.
Youth is wasted on the young,
Before you know its come and gone, too soon.
You were there for summer dreamin’,
And you are a friend indeed.
And I hope you’ll find your freedom,
For eternity.
You were there for summer dreamin’,
And you are a friend indeed.
And I know you’ll find your freedom,
Eventually, for eternity, for eternity.
sheesh, what’s wrong with me.
“Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.”
-Rose Franken
sheesh, what’s wrong with me.
okay, i’m sorry for ignoring you this morning. but i felt really down and i didn’t want to talk to anyone. but i don’t treat this as an excuse so if you want to be angry go ahead because i won’t blame you.
exams are coming, so just want to say, work hard and score well. because there’s no return.
i feel so disconnected with the world
i don’t know anything that’s going on
i need to find my way back to reality
and start again
‘cos i’m never gonna stop the rain by complaining
“When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.”
-Unknown
i hate today. i hate the way you all treated the teacher. such bastards. you shouldn’t even be born.
i’m sick of being thin.
and being called ‘tekko‘.
people may say that being thin is better than being plump, but i think otherwise. i’ve been thin and underweight for almost my entire life ever since i started growing up.
by the way, anorexia means “an abnormal fear of being fat that makes people, especially girls and young women, starve themselves”. apparently i’m not anorexic, nor am i bulimic, which means “a habitual disturbance in eating behavior mostly affecting young women of normal weight, characterized by frequent episodes of grossly excessive food intake followed by self-induced vomiting to avert weight gain”. so don’t ever call me these. (meanings from www.dictionary.com)
thank you Mr Chiam for helping us after school to finish our D&T practical.
i want 2007 to end, i want 2008. enough of noise. forever.
raindrops are fallin’ on my head
but that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turning red
crying’s not for me
‘cos i’m never gonna stop the rain by complaining
yes, i shan’t stop the rain. no, i’m not emo. singing Raindrops are Fallin’ on my Head and staring out of the window doesn’t mean anything.
we can only fly by embracing one another
“We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.”
-Luciano de Crescenzo
recently i’ve been going a bit mad over Robbie Williams’ songs, especially this one called Angels. And through it all, she offers me protection, a lot of love and affection, whether I’m right or wrong. And down the waterfall, wherever it may take me, I know that life won’t break me, when I come to call, she won’t forsake me. I’m loving angels instead…
and there’s also this song sung by Robbie Williams together with Nicole Kidman! Somethin’ Stupid.
Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
okay bye. yet again dashing for time.
