Archive for January, 2008

shiming, zhihao, clar and xueling

i can’t stop missing all my best friends.
on Saturday, shiming came to my brother’s birthday celebration and we talked and talked.
not really a lot of talking, because she came for only about 2 hours.
i wish we had more time to talk to one another.
just sit down and talk.
i wish i had enough time to talk to shiming, zhihao, clar and xueling.
but then, none of us ever have enough time.
letting go of them would mean i would lose something so strong that i actually could have kept.
letting go of them would mean no more true friendship.
letting go of them would mean no more happiness.
letting go of them would mean being lonely until i find another friend that could represent them.
all of you have made me really understand what it means to have friends, to stay together as friends.

i miss all of you.

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never

fluteofchampagne–the statistics
age: approximately 5 months going 6
contents: lots of lots of rantings and rubbish
comments for previous post: 0
status: officially dead

but no, i’m not going to throw my blog away yet.
it’s time for a bit more life, don’t you think?
even if we’re too busy, i think we should at least try to blog once a week just to keep people informed on what’s going on.

next week:
A-math test and chemistry test on wednesday
and geography test on thursday.

oh yes i went for tightening on thursday (therefore i missed band practice) and did not have to conduct in front of the band! but then again i’ll still have to do it whether i like it or not. this is testing how much courage i have in front of 90 people? either way i guess i got to face it. sometimes i get scared for not doing something i’m supposed to do then when i’m alone i start scolding myself in my mind for being chicken. that’s the best way to get myself going, the same thing my dad does when i refuse to sit some ride at a theme park or whatever. i don’t know. i just don’t have the guts! i wish someone will slap me to wake me up. if i continue this way for my whole life, i’m never going to live life properly.

anyway, the tightening. all the best friends that i hang out with are absolutely horrified with the colour. i just chose the wrong blue! they stared at it with that oh-gosh, did-you-really-choose-such-a-hideous-colour? expression on their faces. it’s okay. i promise all of you i’ll get a nicer colour next time. green, anyone?

and absolutely no pink!

the dream i had, you kissed her fleetingly. and that’s funny because before that, you were looking into her eyes passionately.

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hard

math test was hard ):
i actually find chemistry easier to understand than math now!
i wish ms khoo is still teaching us.
i didn’t understand the questions that the test was asking and most of them were done without careful thinking.
we’re gonna learn matrices tomorrow.
okay see all of you tomorrow then.

i can’t help but feel distant;

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hidden meanings;

it’s not over tonight, just give me one more chance to make it right. i may not make it through the night, i won’t go home without you.

listening to Maroon 5 now. the guy’s voice is unique. just like the sore-throaty voice of the guy in Nickelback.

your words have so many hidden meanings; i’m trying to figure out what you’re really saying but i don’t get it. and you seemed so distant the other day that i wanted to ask you what happened to you but it just didn’t seem the right time. i hope you’re not starting to think too much like me. and hey, are we 5 still close?
please tell me.

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it’s just weird

i now treat my studies as though i’m on a battlefield.
English: i’m not sure if i’m winning the battle.
Math: definitely losing, no doubt. especially since i space out when the General comes into class.
Higher Chinese: struggling and yes, losing as well.
Science: i’m not sure if i’m winning. i find the facts easy to understand but the worksheets get a bit tough.
Geography: reasonably okay for the time being, just have to do some memory work.
Social Studies: reasonably okay like Geography.
PE: losing! can’t even throw the javelin properly.

okay, PE is not really under my studies.
but sometimes i really can’t help but get scared when i stare at the Math assignment.
out of 5 questions i can’t do 3 or 4.
that’s how bad i am now ):

i went for the movie marathon at Downtown East yesterday evening from 7-10.30 for Fantastic 4 part 1 and 2. they gave candy floss and popcorn.

standing in front of the band, taking attendance, is scary!
not to mention embarrassing.
i don’t really feel like i’m fit to lead people.
it’s just weird.

sometimes i wonder if what you say is really true, or if you simply forgot;

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serious,

i feel that i’m writing too much rubbish on my blog.
have to be a bit more serious, maybe.

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one and a half months

sometimes i wish i could describe my experiences with someone.
like being emo, for instance.
you told me you were feeling emo and all i simply said was, ‘you’ll get over it.’
seriously, i was emo-ing half of november and the whole of december last year,
but i got over it!
yeah, took me one and a half months.
it’s something that is really hard to shake off, despite the countless times you feel that you’re stressing people out but you just can’t bring yourself to be happy. but i can’t blame anyone for feeling emo. it’s just something you have to slowly go through and then recover from it.
i hate emo-ing.
it gives you that feeling that no one in the whole wide world cares about you, that you have to go through a lifetime entirely on your own.
i really hate that feeling.
therefore i don’t understand sometimes why people simply love looking emo-ish at the camera. (people like Auntie L.!)
anyway, enough about this. pffft.

i’d better not slack this year. i have to get everything complete on time because if i just miss any tiny something, i’m going to screw up my just-started 2008.
i’ve always screwed up every year.
this year i really have to buck up. i hope i won’t get that sudden impulse to be lazy and think that i have very little work to do because then i’ll start rushing when i realise i have lots of work and i dislike rushing!
must be lazy and can slack whenever i feel like it hardworking!

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drunk on msn!

santa claus is acting like a drunk on msn!
junior is exclaiming that i saved her life!

sheesh, what nuts.

ritchell lim was really great today! even though she is blind, she’s blessed with a beautiful singing voice and the talent to compose wonderful music. i think she is really talented. this is her website (click!).

i went to the library with shiming again today. we–i mean shiming–were drooling over the pictures of cakes, desserts and ice cream in the books we found. shiming told me i was going to drown in her saliva.

after browsing through one ice cream book, we did some of our work. but somehow we sidetracked and i began drawing Super Riceball with the bikini and Superman underwear and cloak! we were laughing away at my stupid drawing when there came this middle-aged man who began talking to us. shiming was left to answer his questions because i was still having the Laughing Disease and was hiding my face behind my Math worksheet. that guy thought we were sec1s! oh dear.

on my way home in the rain, i found a woman who was having difficulty pushing her trolley because one of the wheels was stuck in a rut. kind of like a little hole in the ground, understand what i mean? the trolley is the red colour kind where you see many middle-aged woman pushing it at the market. anyway, i felt that woman so poor thing because she was carrying so many things and the trolley got so many things inside; it looked heavy. so i approached her and said, ‘auntie…’

she looked up and surprised me with English. ‘could you pull up the trolley? i can’t push it.’

so i lifted up the trolley slightly and set it down onto the pathway where none of the wheels would get stuck in any more little holes in the ground. and it was heavy. she thanked me and i gave a small smile in reply. then i went back home, thinking about what would have happened if i hadn’t helped her. i guess she’d be stuck there for at least a minute more, trying to get the trolley out. and i’d be feeling very guilty for not helping someone in need.

-
now, xueling says i am retarded when i post such long posts. but i can’t help it. it’s just fun typing out whatever’s in my brain. or at least, typing out the stuff i can say to the public without hurting their feelings. i hope that i’ll be able to survive this week without any ‘going-to-bed-at-12’s, ‘kan jiong-ness’s or ‘oh-no, i-haven’t-done-my-work!’s. okay, what am i saying. my brain is currently twisted for now. BYE! and thanks for the comments.

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break the glass

gosh, the whole week has been quite hectic, if i must say. or maybe it’s because i have extremely poor time management. or perhaps because my math is horrible. or maybe even because, as much as i try, i’m not paying enough attention in class and therefore forget whatever that was taught and when i get home i am not able to finish my work on my own.

okay, either way, i just haven’t been sleeping at my usual time. for this whole week i have been dropping onto my bed at 12.30. every day. and you know i’m not the type who can function well even if i have insufficient rest. well anyway, enough about it. i shall force myself to learn how to get my work done on time and make sure i will be able to keep awake regardless of how boring the lesson is (especially Social Studies).

since i’ve been so pffffft the whole week, i suggested going to the library on Friday after our HMT class. shiming, clar and xueling were rather enthusiastic about it, but in the end it was only shiming who could make it. clar had piano tuition and xueling was going to buy her bag with her mum. all of us walked to White Sands and on the way we were talking so much crap and laughing like maniacs (but not so extreme as compared to the time last year when Zhihao keep imitating 赵老师 speaking Japanese). and i kept saying ‘retarded’! stupid. i have to control myself. shiming and xueling were sucking on lollipops all the way there. i’m not sure if shiming passed on her LAD (Lollipop Addiction Disease) to xueling.

xueling went off to the interchange while shiming, clar and i went up to the foodcourt. clar actually suggested KFC but i was having sore throat. isn’t it nice of them to eat healthy stuff with me? (: up we went and there we met renee and samantha s. eating. we got a table next to theirs and went to look for food. we were feeling quite unsure as to what to have for lunch and then clar recommended the hokkien prawn mee. she said it was really good and they gave quite a big amount (therefore the slightly more expensive price). so i said, ‘okay’ and we went to line up.

when we went back to the table we saw shiming at the rice store, the one where the food is on this wooden thing? initially she’d told us that she didn’t want to eat. anyway we sat there and ate and halfway came along clar’s sister. she reminded clar of her piano tuition and ran off soon after. then shiming and i looked at clar, perplexed, and asked, ‘who’s she?’ clar looked at us and replied, ‘my sister.’ seriously, both of us couldn’t see any resemblance.

later clar went off with renee and samantha to buy some stationery before heading home. shiming and i continued eating and sat there and began chatting. there is something really funny. whenever i meet up with someone that i haven’t kept in touch for reaaaally long, i find that the conversation will be filled mostly with long, uncomfortable silences. but with all my good friends the conversation just goes on and on, peppered with lots of laughter. anyway, it was like that with shiming. we went to the library and shiming wanted to change her clothes, so i went with her. instead of heading for the toilet, we caught sight of a Chinese book and before we knew it we were looking through for nice 小说s, particularly romance ones.

i think it was about 15-20 minutes and i finally told her to hurry up and change. i found the Chinese version of The Phantom of the Opera! i think Andrew Lloyd Webber made the musical based on the book. so exciting. i think when i finished the current book i’m reading then i’ll go find the book.

on the way back from the toilet, we found this book: Ultimate Shop Design. and that’s where all the fun–and gawking–begins.

first design theme: Deconstruction. this theme is really modern, like those chic shops you see with very bold patterns and colours that stand out (or jump out). i didn’t really like this one cos i think it’s too modern, not really my type, probably. we liked:
1/ Marni in London, UK
2/ Ras Gallery in Barcelona, Spain that sells clothes, books and collectibles
3/ Gucci in Paris, France

Minimalism was the design theme that i really went ga-ga over.
1/ Zumtobel Staff in Berlin, Germany (the inside of the shop was realy fabulous as there were different lights that made the interior really pretty)
2/ Yauatcha (丘记茶苑) in London, UK that sells cakes (this one shiming practically went wild. worse than a madwoman)
3/ Bellucci in Grosseto, Italy that sells clothes
4/ Christian Lacroix in Tokyo, Japan that sells clothes
5/ Michel Guillon in London, UK that sells eye apparel. now, this is the most unique optical shop i’ve ever seen. every pair of spectacles or sunglasses has its own compartment in the wall. the whole wall behind the counter is full of compartments. Some of the display holders are jutting out. really cool.
6/ Jean Paul Gaultier in Paris, France that sells clothes
7/ ArtQuitect in Barcelona, Spain, selling art pieces. this shop is simple but very cool.

Renovation and Restoration: this is not bad too.
1/ Unto This Last in London, UK, selling furniture
2/ Les Salons du Palais Royal Shiseido in Paris, France. this shop is absolutely fabulous, beside Gucci and Zumtobel Staff. the staircase looked so damn grand!
3/ Chantal Thomass in Paris, France, selling female apparel. shiming went berserk over this shop because it had a very girly interior (pink).
4/ Le Boudoir in Barcelona, Spain that sells lingerie. i love this one too! the design of the shop is very Victorian or Edwardian or Elizabethan or whatever you call it. so pretty.
5/ Nuevo espacio Julie Sohn in Barcelona, Spain, selling clothes

Contemporary and Classic: this theme seems to have rather original designs.
1/ Dolce and Gabbana in London, UK
2/ Amaya Arzuaga in Madrid, Spain
3/ Chanel in Paris, France
4/ Louis Vuitton in Paris, France
5/ Tateossian London in London, UK

the last theme we went through was Trash-Chic. there were others but shiming had to go for her 古筝 lesson. anyway she borrowed the book home! it’s 527 pages. so heavy.
1/ Desigual in Barcelona, Spain
2/ Junky Styling in London, UK

and there you have it, all the shop designs (so far) that we simply adore! haha. i’m sorry if this post was way too long, but i haven’t been writing for at least a week. it’s enough to drive me a bit mad.

yesterday we went for my mum’s primary 6 friends’ barbeque. i think all her classmates were there. can you believe it? they haven’t seen each other for 3 decades!
and i realise that 5 women are very noisy and are able to break all the glass in a house if they just laugh.
i don’t know how my mum managed to find them after so many years. i simply can’t imagine my mum in a little uniform, sitting in class and listening to the teacher.
my sis and i met my mum’s teacher and he told us about her. she really does have the smartie-pants genes. if she put in effort for her exams, she got first. if she didn’t, she got second or third. either way, she was always one of the top 3 students in class and standard. every year she went up during prize-giving ceremony. the teacher always arranged the papers according to the marks. those at the top got the lowest and those at the bottom got the highest. and my mum’s papers were always at the bottom. and the boys would boo at her instead of clapping and cheering for her cos she was so smart.

how come my mum’s so smart but i’m not?
my dad’s smart too. in primary school, though, he was very naughty and mischievous and never studied. but after that, in secondary school, he began working hard. he went to Catholic Junior College and then on to NUS, where he met my mum. love at first sight? i don’t know. but i know my dad was always very nice to my mum. my dad was a really excellent runner. just at the end of last year we moved house and we were packing our stuff. my dad wanted to throw away all of his trophies and plagues that he’d won when he was younger. my sister and i took the boxes and were about to dump it down the rubbish chute when we found this plague that said our dad had came in first when running 721.7 km.

unbelievable?
yes, i think so. most of us already feel exhausted when we complete our 2.4km.

my dad always got second for chinese somewhere along his journey of education. and one of those days when we were packing, he came in with the Catholic Junior College Yearbook 1981 and showed us this poem, 雨. the author was 古浪. anyway, my dad was that person who wrote the poem. (he kind of translated his English name to Chinese, but can you imagine calling yourself Ancient Wave?) my dad was in the CJC choir and therefore he can sing really well. not many people can vibrato when they sing right?

mathematically,
positive + positive = positive
[clever dad + clever mum = clever children?]
does it make sense?
i’m not sure. because i’m not brainy.
but my sis is and my brother is good in sports. which shows that both of them are inclined in some way or another.
i don’t know what i’m good at.

alright, enough divulging of information on my parents’ history. if i continue i’m going to tell you even more stuff and then this post will go as long as it will.

comments please? thank you!

until then, readers (there aren’t any).

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poems

i’m quite bored and even though i’m supposed to be doing my homework, here i am searching for poems to amuse myself for a while. how naughty of me.
but enjoy reading these poems. i like them (:

To The Lake
Edgar Allan Poe
In Spring of youth it was my lot
To haunt of the wide world a spot
The which I could not love the less -
So lovely was the loneliness
Of a wild lake, with black rock bound,
And the tall pines that towered around.

But when the night had thrown her pall
Upon that spot, as upon all,
And the mystic wind went by
Murmuring in melody -
Then – ah, then, I would awake
To the terror of the lone lake.

Yet that terror was not fright,
But a tremulous delight -
A feeling not the jewelled mine
Could teach or bribe me to define -
Nor Love – although the love were thine.

Death was in that poisonous wave,
And in its gulf a fitting grave
For him who thence could solace bring
To his lone imagining -
Whose solitary soul could make
An Eden of that dim lake.

Edgar Allan Poe
(1809-1849)

try reading his books. one of his stories that i read was quite scary.

Birches
Robert Frost
When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy’s been swinging them.
But swinging doesn’t bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun’s warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You’d think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows–
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father’s trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It’s when I’m weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig’s having lashed across it open.
I’d like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth’s the right place for love:
I don’t know where it’s likely to go better.
I’d like to go by climbing a birch tree~
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Robert Frost is quite famous, so i think you do know him?

The Daffodils
William Wordsworth
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A Poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

i’ve always liked this poem. it just sounds so happy.

The Great Apes
Ronald Wallace
Sometimes they get so bored we give them treats,
she says, chained to her cart outside the ape
enclosure. Peanut better, fruit, and nuts
stuck on a board for them to pick. We gape
at her table of ape parts: the elongated skull,
at cast footprint, the soft hairy hand, the comical
long-armed shirt a great ape would wear if an ape
wore shirts. We laugh because theyre so much like us

or unlike us. Two silverbacks sit on their haunches,
snapping their fingers, picking their nits, staring
out from under their meddlesome brows. One launches
a sudden attack at us, slamming the glass, wearing
a mask of disinterest. The crowd is interred in mirth.
We go our merry ways to inherit the earth.

i think this poem is so cute!

The Summer Day
Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean–
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down–
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is is you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

i like the way Mary Oliver writes about the grasshopper as though it’s a person like herself.

thanks to judithpordon (click!).

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