replies:
EM–i think i’m okay. uh, should be. YOU okay or not? after NBC you were so dead.
XUELING–i don’t want my blog to rot! haha. and i don’t want to eat marigold jelly. yay gold!
YIJIN–granny! (huimin’s my mummy right?) haha maybe i won’t delete. still thinking!
Lost
Michael Buble
I can’t believe it’s over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I’d only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying
Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognize the girl you are today
And God I hope it’s not too late
It’s not too late
‘Cause you are not alone
I’m always there with you
And we’ll get lost together
Until the light comes pouring through
It’s when you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you’re not lost
When your world’s crashing down
And you can’t bear the cross
I said, babe, you’re not lost
Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you’ve gone crazy but you’re not
Things have seemed to change
There’s one thing that’s still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
‘Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we’ll get lost together
Until the light comes pouring through
It’s when you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you’re not lost
And the world’s crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you’re not lost
I said, baby, you’re not lost
I said, baby, you’re not lost
I said, baby, you’re not lost
credits: www.lyricstime.com
GOLD!
feel the word in your mouth, rolling off your tongue.
relish it.
of course, we can’t be complacent just because we got Gold for NBC. there’s still SYF. and many others to come as the years past…
thank you to all the leaders (except myself) and the alumni, especially those who have always helped us. and definitely thank you mr and mrs chua! as well as the teachers. and the seniors who came and watched us during NBC.
there seems to be something really wrong with me.
i can never stay happy for ONE FULL DAY.
if i become happy and very hyper, i will get super moody after i tone down.
why can’t i stay happy for a whole day?
my sis says i’m pessimistic. yeah i agree.
it’s just that–
the time’s slipping away…
and i can’t do anything.
i can’t say anything to stop time from flowing out of my grasp.
and that makes me feel so angry and frustrated.
i don’t want to see your tears, don’t want to hear your words behind me.
i want to clamp my hands over my ears and yell and scream.
i want to cry, but i can’t get the tears out.
what’s the use in forcing them out if they’re going to be fake?
suddenly i realise, i don’t even know why i go to school for.
losing interest in everything, even English. it’s like, i can’t bring myself to bother anymore. why do i have to? not like anyone will care if i’m sitting in my seat or not. they don’t.
there will never be a difference.
sick to death of all the faking, trying to find someone, trying to talk to someone.
all failing miserably.
you know the feeling, when you try to tell someone something, but the person just never hears? or the feeling when you try to keep yourself from yelling vulgarities and stomping away? or the feeling when you just want the person to go away but the person just keeps bugging you?
that kind of ‘GO AWAY YOU BLOODY IDIOT BEFORE I CLOBBER YOU’ feeling.
and everytime i have to bite my tongue cos i don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. why can’t you go away? leave me alone. i’m sick of you, sick of going to school just for the sake of going to school, just for the sake of a good record. why do i bloody have to? why does everyone have to?
why do i even try changing things, when i know they won’t change? WHY? why do i even THINK of changing things, when i have already warned myself that they won’t? and yet, i still try, and still fail, and still cry. everytime, i brace myself for the disappointment, but it comes to me harder than i’d prepared myself for. i don’t think i should brace myself any longer.
that feeling when you cave in, that feeling when you simply throw everything down and walk away because you can’t be bothered anymore, that feeling when you know that nothing’s going to change even in your absence. NOTHING AT ALL. everyone’s going to be busy doing their own stuff and one day they’ll look up and realise, hey, you’re gone. but they’re not going to stop and think. they’re not going to wonder where you went. they won’t even try to remember when was the last time they saw you. and why should they, when you’re not part of their lives anyway?
when you try so hard to watch out for that person, to make that person a part of your life, how do you feel when the person just won’t care about you because the person has other people in mind? how would you feel?
sometimes you feel you ought to be shot.
but you know you can’t kill yourself.
cos you can’t.
disappointment, anger, moodiness…tired of it all. don’t even want to try and slap a damn smile on my face. don’t want to bother. no one bothers, anyway, whether they see a smile or not.
when you receive praises, do you start wondering if you deserve it? do you? they say you should graciously accept it and say ‘thank you’, but what if you didn’t even need it in the first place? after all, you’re not the type who lives on praises, who needs praises to survive each day.
i won’t answer if you ask if i’m okay or if you ask why i’m sad. because i don’t even know why.
i want to confess everything, but i can’t.
so i’ll keep it within myself, until i am driven to the point of madness.
am close to it, anyway.
i really want to go away. i really want to.
