well. how to start?
these days i just can’t seem to do anything properly and i just end up disappointing people. sucky. i’m gonna die when i move over. in about 47 more days.
it seems like something that is going to happen but just isn’t going to happen. it seems…far? i can’t explain.
have any of you ever tried blue cheese? it looks mouldy! salty taste, a little bitter at first. eat it with plain crackers–yummy (:
class barbeque yesterday.
i would like to thank everyone who went, for all the madness and fun and singing (nice eh, but my birthday’s over, haha (: ).
special thanks to:
WORMSY MUMMY for the cake and the pictures (not to mention the directions!),
GRANNY for the card,
ORGANISERS for planning the barbeque,
ASYRAFI AND THE OTHERS who helped with the food,
EDWIN for starting the fire!,
FIONA, ELIS, CHERYL, YUAN RU, GRACY,SIN YI, WORMSY MUMMY AND GRANNY (again), JESSICA (again), DEON, JOYCE, JIA YEE & THE 2 NICOLES for the well wishes and stuff (the card is absolutely pretty!),
MRS CHAN for getting desert (Cadbury milk tray–oh wait is it called milk tray?) for us,
MU ZI for the hug and the failed attempt to tear/ cry (haha!).
there, all my thanks. i was speechless! pictures will come another day because i have no mood to Bluetooth them today.
by the time they come online, i’d most likely be offline already cos i’m going out for dinner.
well byebye.
went to Siseu’s Family Day today.
GOT SUNTAN!
(little bit)
i find that after primary 6, my skin very hard to get darker. (dunno why)
anyway.
i just cleared my files and worksheets and textbooks just now.
for the first composition that i wrote this year (or is it the second?), i had to write about myself. and i can’t believe i started it with this:
‘Tekko!’ comes a shout. I turn around to see my best friends, smiling and waving at me.
how ridiculous.
another contradicting thing.
the quiz that i did in my previous post.
84. Who is the person you trust the most? all my friends. don’t doubt it!
i hate to say it but i don’t think i was in a well mental state when doing the quiz.
get the point?
how? i just realised that i find it so damn hard to trust someone. not because i’m suspicious or that the people are hard to trust, but that i don’t feel they can do it if i trust them.
as in,
there’s no denying that my family gives me the best advice. more specifically, my parents. my friends are just there to listen, but other than that, what can they do? do you think they know me or understand me? think about it. do you really know me?
and how can i talk to any one of you when all of you will just shrug and give me the advice that everyone gives? or you will just think i am thinking in the whole DEPRESSED way and you will not care at all.
i don’t think anyone really took me seriously. all the time you just thought i was joking. you never really understood what i said.
i’m sorry for doubting you all, for never really understanding whether i trust all of you or not. but somehow, i never really believed that someone could really help. and i have been thinking about this for so long and yet, i never understood until now.
now do you know why i never tell you anything? you know who you are. i have my reasons stated over here.
now i finally understand why i never wanted to tell anyone anything. because they won’t believe. and/or they just won’t care.
i may have thought i trusted all of you, but it turns out in the end that i never did.
i did trust you all, perhaps to a certain extent, but i am very hesitant and uncertain now. don’t know why.
sorry if i let you down. i can’t do it anymore. i know i can’t rely on anyone except myself, for the time being. then i’m going to see what next.
i’ve got to stop believing i can turn this around. i’ve got to stop expecting so much of others.
i wish that,
someday,
i will just
stop being
foolish and retarded
and know
how to
look at the world
with different angles.
i wish that,
i could just
sit down
with someone
and just talk
that person.
and i just wish that,
people won’t
laugh at me
or call me
something
that would
agitate me
or something.
maybe
i’m just
being
antisocial.
YEAH BARACK OBAMA WON!
i hope he will be as good as he seems.
replies.
EMILY: okay i will take care of myself! and i will try my best to give you the l-o-n-g post. and i’m 黑鸡! haha. gosh you’re really so bored. bored until you become psycho woman already.
LESBIAN?: i’ll draw lips on a piece of paper, colour it purple (since it’s your favourite colour and because i don’t think i’ll ever wear purple lipstick) and give it to you! does that count as a kiss from me to you? (: yeah let’s go out cos they’re already back. (i wanna snap retarded pictures of all of you!)
ZHIHAO: why you call me 变态! anyway you’re not taking a-math. DON’T PUT RETARDED PICTURES OF ME ON YOUR BLOG OR I’LL WHACK YOU!
WORMSY MUMMY: you’re crazy! (i got extra subjects to start with) haha yeah love you all too much (: so i go for bridging -.- haha!
GRANNY, WHO BOOKS ME FOR BREAKFAST: nooooooooooooooooooooo! *eyes wide with horror.
THE ONE AND ONLY AUNTIE LEE: hey, you’re so contradicting! so did you feel any stress when you were sitting in the hall yesterday? and you’re so longgggggwinded, how many times must i tell you that YES, i will make a card for you!? and yes, i know when’s your birthday! (i remember birthdays okay) what are you hinting at! haha.
REMAINING ANONYMOUS: yes, keep in touch (: i hope you’ll be happier soon!
LAO GONG: heehee support you too! love you too (:
‘DA CHANG JIN?’: so thickskinned for what!? pork’s skin where got so thick. haha. saw your blog today, it’s soooo retarded with all the pictures (:
QUIZ! tagged by 白鸦, whom i think rot until all her feathers drop off already. (balding?)
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs.
B) Tag 5 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
C) Continue this game by sending it to other people
actually, i have no idea who to tag. hmmm. i will tell you at the end of the whole thing. LOOK OUT FOR YOUR NAME PLEASE! thank you.
01. What have you been doing recently? reading, breathing, playing piano, rejoicing, being sick, sleeping, eating, drinking, crapping, laughing, crying, staring at the 11 comments on the previous post…
02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off? yes, only last time.
03. What happened at 10.00am today? uh…lemme see. oh! i remember now. playing piano.
04. When did you last cry? yesterday.
05. Believe in fate/destiny? yes.
06. What do you want in your life right now? to be a better person.
07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains,or just put up your hood? under my umbrella/ ella, eh, eh, eh…
08. What’s your favourite thing to have on your bed? ! i have so many. my blanket, my pig, my pillow, my bolster (:
9. What bottom are you wearing now? yellow shorts!
10. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say? that someone will miss me when i go.
11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated? depends on what kind. most of the time, yes.
12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone? nope.
13. What was the last movie you caught? i can’t remember…um. but i know i’ll be watching Quantum of Solace this sunday! whoopee!
14. What are you proud of? the fact that i have a very nice family and great friends and funny juniors and seniors!
15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say? 白鸦 is feeling confused! and that’s on October 31st. not very old eh.
16. What was the last song you sang out loud? Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head! (and i sang wrongly)
17. Do you have any nicknames? yes. Tekko is the most famous and used one.
18. What does your last received text message say? Islamic extremists rally in Jakarta against imminent execution of 3 Bali bombers as defence lawyers demand a final visit for families. that’s CNA news that i suscribed to.
19. What time did you go to bed last night? 12 on the dot.
20. Are you currently happy? nope. but i’m not sad either.
21. Who gives you best advice? depends on the situation.
22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can? i’ve never done that.
23. Who did you talk on phone last night? my mother (:
24. Is anything bugging you right now? not really…
25. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh? Granny’s message: “Can i book you for breakfast after english tomorrow?” haha!
26. Do you wear toe socks? nope.
27. Who was the last person you missed a call from? my mummy again (:
28. Have you ever had your heart broken? nope, i’ve never been in love.
29. What annoys you most in a person? dishonesty. i hate that the most.
30. Do you have a crush on anyone? never had, don’t ask why.
31. Have you ever done cocaine? do i sound like i do drugs?
32. What is the colour of your room? white.
33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars? no, because i don’t want to go to court and be pronounced guilty and because it’s wrong. in the first place the idea wouldn’t even come into my head.
34. Do you believe in the saying: talk is cheap? nah. words can inspire. and inspiration is not exactly cheap.
35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed? myself, of course.
36. Who was the last person to hug you? EMILY! quite a few weeks ago?
37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed? nope. never kissed anyone.
38. Do you have a life? yes, if not i wouldn’t be answering these questions now. stupid question!
39. Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn’t die? nope. i’m not a crime scene investigator. and by the way, the question can be looked at from so many angles (emotionally, spiritually, physically?) and i would say yes and no but i can’t.
40. What is the reason behind your profile song? don’t have one.
41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream? zhihao. that was quite a few days ago.
42. Last time you smiled? just now!
43. Have you changed this year? definitely. i change every year.
44. What are you listening to right now? my dad frying food, my sister humming songs, my brother singing, myself typing.
45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this? no, unless you count the laptop. oh, now i’m talking to a living being: zhihao!
46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed? open 99.9% of the time, closed 0.1% when i just feel like walking and banging into something really hard and injuring myself.
47. Is there a quote you live by? not really. there are quite a few.
48. Do you want someone you cannot have? nope.
49. Have you ever played an instrument? yes, 3.
50. What was the worst idea you’ve had in this week? running away? sorry, it was just silly.
51. What are you doing last night at 11pm? chionging my whale shark summary because i didn’t want mrs chan to fry me this morning.
52. Are you happy with your love life right now? does it include my friends? (: no, i don’t have a love life.
53. What song best describe your love life? it’s non-existent! stop asking about my love life. it’s only going to start when i find someone.
54. Does the person know that you like him/her? don’t like anyone.
55. Who always make you laugh? my friends!
56. Do you speak other language other than English? Mandarin? Singlish.
57. Favourite website(s)? my blog (: and other people’s blogs.
58. What’s your middle name? recently, it’s Litong. permanently.
59. What are you doing tomorrow? listening to mrs chan during bridging, going for breakfast!, then going home and rotting, dinner with someone…who knows my mum?
60. What do you think you are like? stupid, retarded, idiotic, lame, irresponsible, unloving. that’s just the starters.
61. Who will you choose to die with? i don’t want anyone to die with me.
62. Where have you been today? school, home.
63. What game do you play often? i don’t play games.
64. Who are you missing right now? no one.
65. If you have to choose between friend and love, who will you choose? what kind of love? depends.
66. What are you doing right now? breathing, answering these questions, talking to zhihao, staring at the screen?
67. Which primary school are you from? Coral. some unpleasant memories, but that’s where i began writing so much.
68. Name 3 colours that you like? purple, green, blue? all cool colours!
69. What emotion you like to show? happy, of course.
70. What is your life to you? rather meaningless, but not really since i got so many ambitions?
71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do? think and think and think about it and if it’s sad, i will keep tearing.
72. Who did you last chat in msn today? currently talking to zhihao, who sounds lifeless, emotionless and very detached.
73. Who do you admire most? good people who have good character and persevere.
74. Which month are you born in? August! (all girls)
75. How are you feeling right now? neutral (nothing) and strange.
76. What is the time now? 8.15 pm.
77. What kind of person do u think the one who tagged you is? psycho but very caring (:
78.What colour did you use to dye hair? i’m never going to dye my hair.
79. Why are you doing this test? cause emily tagged me!
80. What do you do when you’re moody? think and think until i’m on the verge of going crazy.
81. At which age you wish to get married? depends when the guy proposes? if i even get one.
82. Who is more important to you? who are you comparing?
83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do? say goodbye to everyone that i meet and tell them i’ll be dead by 11.59 pm today.
84. Who is the person you trust the most? all my friends. don’t doubt it!
85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain? yup.
86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be? i wouldn’t want any of my dreams to come true because they’re all weird.
87. What is your goal for this year? slack like crazy!
88.Do you believe in eternal love? depends on the guy.
89. What feeling do you love most? being loved and loving others.
90. Do you really think its Global Warming now? yes! SAVE THE EARTH! (how contradicting when here i am wasting electricity.)
91. What feeling do you hate most? being sad. it can just kill you.
92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours? of course!
93. Do you believe in God? depends on which god you’re talking about.
94. Who cares for you most? the people who bother to care about me.
95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life? can’t decide, too many.
96. What will you bring when you fight? fight what? depends on the situation.
97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life? too much. uncountable!
98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you? sad?
100. How do you feel now? sick, tired, a little moody (dunno why).
i’m gonna tag…
1/ pork and zhihao
2/ laogong and selene
3/ xueling and moyra
4/ huimin and yijin
5/ my sister (:
i know i exceeded the limit of 5 people.
MUST DO!
“There’s no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard” -Better Together by Jack Johnson
