Happy New Year. am late for this like i was for Christmas. anyway, have been popping up in school twice. pretty good if you think about it, especially in 5 days. saw moyra today; sis said she looks cute (moyra, you got a nice compliment). also rachel c. and yunxun. and shannon. although i felt some people just did not want to see me. when i looked at them, they just averted their eyes. have i transformed into a virus since i left the school? apparently these people think so. met mr raj and mdm zaibon up outside the hall. mr raj surprisingly recognised me. i wanted to say hi to mr seow but didn’t because he was talking to mr raj and it would have seemed weird. for the first time i saw the school with an outsider’s eyes. maybe not really an outsider but someone who has left. i see the things that i never saw. how people actually know you and acknowledge you are 2 different things. sometimes they say things that they say just because the situation requires them to do that and you won’t even know if they’re saying it because they really mean it or they just want you to think you will be missed. when you are leaving, people just tend to treat you extra nice. (then when you’re gone, they just don’t even realise you exist anymore) but some avoid you as though you are plague. what’s with them? it feels almost wrong that i’m coming back to school not for lessons but farewells and wearing not the uniform but my home clothes (like the ex-sec 4s and alumni). all wrong. suddenly don’t want to leave. hate it that people just start treating you really nicely. it is SO wrong. i don’t particularly enjoy the attention. but then again thinking about those people who never bothered about me and are avoiding me NOW i want to leave. why can’t things be less complicated? it is extremely annoying. i hope i will be happier when i get there–at least, i hope there are more things to look forward to when i am there. not only homework and homework and homework like it is in Singapore. oh, i also hope that the people there aren’t snobby if they are in the top class and are friendlier and not competitive like almost everyone is in Singapore. do you realise that everyone in Singapore is fighting for all the wrong things, like a place in the top university or free stuff? anyway, enough rambling. just to let you know, i’m off to Bangkok with my family and dearest paternal grandmother tomorrow and will only be back on 10th, midnight. and you know about those guys who died in the Bangkok club fire? one of the victim’s brothers said that the victim never said goodbye and left. so treasure your life. anything can happen and you wouldn’t want to be sitting there regretting. that’s all. goodnight.
sorry, was just feeling horrible for some reason. i know it isn’t excusable.
